Spiritual Warfare

The summer before my senior year of high school, I spent two weeks at the Reformed Presbyterian Seminary in Pittsburgh with nearly thirty other high school students from around the continent for the Theological Foundations for Youth summer program intensive. For most, it was a time of encouragement and growth, but I also found it to be the most spiritually challenging and dark time of my life. Every day I would sit in lectures and read materials while a voice in my head screamed that this could not possibly be true.

 

This was ridiculous. Hadn’t science proven this all wrong? Wasn’t there too much evil in the world to believe in a good God? Wasn’t there too much inherent good in man to believe in original sin? This voice was relentless and creative. It covered every conversation and crowded out my other thoughts until it was all I could hear responding immediately to each new shred of hope presented to me. This had happened to me once before, but I did not yet recognize it for what it was. Physical symptoms started manifesting themselves such as nausea and headaches. I would go to bed early claiming tiredness and lie in the dark and wrestle with my thoughts. What was I doing here if I didn’t even believe in God?

Finally, I met with the pastor who was staying with us that week. After explaining my troubles, I waited for his chastisement. Instead, he said “I am so happy to hear this!” He’s crazy I thought. “No,” he elaborated, “ this is spiritual warfare which means that you are hearing real truth. Satan doesn’t want you to hear this and believe and he is fighting hard for you.” He went on to tell me that this truth is going to  transform me and there must be a reason why this is so hard. The Gospel was fighting for a hold over my life.